Eds. Note: Our predictions were correct: the prisoners at Abu Ghraib
have more privacy than the modern celebrity (see the Rob Zombie article).
This week we opened our mailbox to find someone had sent us selections
from Ben Affleck's personal journals. Of course we were not surprised.
It is Ben Affleck not Matt Damon. It was either leaking his journal or
another season of Project Greenlight. Good choice Ben.
I finally broke up with Jennifer - or should I call her J.Lo.
I'm sorry; her name is actually J. Ho. That bitch was cheating on me with
that Latin Loser. What is so great about Marc Anthony? He is such a pussycat.
I could kick his ass. Now, he is screwed. He is in for a real treat.
I have to go meet up with Matt and his new girlfriend. Great, another
Dear Journal (I realized that "Dear Diary" is not very masculine),
Today I was watching TV and they were making fun of Gigli. These
people were even wearing "I survived Gigli" t-shirts. Ouch.
So I was in this movie called Daredevil. Let me just say that I
looked damn sexy in my costume. Anyway, my co-star, Jennifer, is super
hot. She just broke up with this other loser guy. I think I have a problem
though. I seriously love girls with the name Jen. Why? This is going to
be great material for the paparazzi.
Peace for now,
I know I haven't written lately, but I have been really busy making some
really awesome movies. I just made this Christmas movie with Tony Soprano.
Ok, it sucks. I am a loser. My career is horrible. After Good Will
Hunting, I have had nothing. Plus, I will never forgive Matt for giving
me such a small role in the movie. Now he is making all these movies with
George Clooney and hot girls, while I am drowning in a pool of my own
This is the greatest day of my entire life. The Red Sox
won the World Series. This is better than winning Academy Awards, making
sweet love with Jen, or hanging out with Leonardo DiCaprio. I have such
a crush on Pedro. Oh boy.