The ageless Abe Vigoda has been a fixture of television and movies
as long as most people can remember. But what if Abe Vigoda had
never been born? This month the ApeSheet continues to explore the
possibilities in part 2 of our 3 part series. If you missed the first
part, click here to check it out.
Last month, we left off with Tom Selleck taking over the role of Stud
in the Kitty and Stud's series made popular by Stallone. Because
Selleck's career didn't take off with Magnum, it didn't make much of
an impact when Friends brought him in as Richard, Monica's older
boyfriend. In fact, the show's ratings plummeted, and it soon went
off the air. With no hopes of establishing a career outside of Friends,
Matt LeBlanc joined Selleck in the spin-off Kitty and Stud's series,
Sucking at Stud's. You can guess the plot. Without Friends and ER
(see part 1), NBC had nothing to save its Thursday lineup. The
network became fifth in the ratings behind both the WB and UPN.
Back to the Godfather, since Vigoda was never born, he couldn't play
Sal Tessio. Instead, Francis Ford Coppola campaigned long and hard
for his favorite actor to get the part, Fred "Herman Munster" Gwynne.
Predictably, Gwynne was a big hit. His career took off. Obviously, he
didn't have time for crap such as Pet Sematary, Disorganized Crime
or My Cousin Vinny. Without Gwynne's fine acting, My Cousin Vinny
flopped. Marisa Tomei did not win the Oscar. Her career floundered.
She couldn't get any legitimate work. Henrietta Holm, Kitty from the
Kitty and Stud's series, was starting to really show the wear and tear.
Someone had to take her place. Enter Tomei.
We know from last month that Burgess Meredith landed most of
Vigoda's juicy parts, but what about Ray Walston? Vigoda's roles in
Vasectomy: A Delicate Matter, Look Who's Talking and Joe Versus the
Volcano were played by Walston. At the same time, Walston
managed to film The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington, Private
School and Saturday the 14th Strikes Back. Unfortunately, he was not
available for Popeye or Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The role of
Poopdeck Pappy instead went to Ernest Borgnine and Mr. Hand was
played by David Schramm, best known for his work as Roy Biggins
on Wings.
Schramm was a huge hit as Mr. Hand. In fact, his performance was so
strong that the spin-off TV series Fast Times stayed on the air for
years. It continued until Schramm left the show for his part on
Wings. After several years on Wings, Schramm left to do a
spin-off with Thomas Haden Church about two men living in a tiny
studio apartment in Jamaica, Queens. The show, which also features
Queen Latifah as the super, is called Bumpin' Bottoms. It is still on
the air today. With Church busy Bumpin' Bottoms with Schramm, he
never filmed Ned and Stacey.
Without Ned and Stacey, Debra Messing didn't really do much TV
work except for those few spots on Seinfeld. Her part as Lt. Penelope
Carpenter in the 1997 movie McHale's Navy was a hit. In fact, the
audience reaction to her role combined with a swelling appreciation
for Borgnine made McHale's Navy a box office smash. The 1999
sequel, which focused on the growing attraction between Messing
and Borgnine, did even better. The third installment in the series is
expected soon, and Messing and Borgnine are negotiating a deal with
UPN for a TV adaptation. With Messing busy with Borgnine, she
never auditioned for Grace in NBC's Will and Grace. The show was
instead cast with Ellen DeGeneres. It never made it out of production.
Yet another blow to an already weakened NBC.
Next month: Find out what all of this is going to do to NBC. And, we
reveal who did the voice for Sal the Wheezer in Batman: Mask of the
Phantasm.
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