|
Greetings ApeSheet readers. I don't like to write directly to you like
this, but we at the ApeSheet have a problem. I know what you're thinking.
Yes, we have many problems. But, this is no joke. It's quite serious.
Mimi Yarninski is missing.
Normally, we wouldn't be too concerned. It's not unusual for her to disappear
for months without any forewarning. This same thing happened when Deep
Purple toured Japan. Six months later, she was back, and she was still
the same old groupie whore we've all come to know and love. But, with
the rash of abductions lately, we're more than a little worried.
To top things off, she didn't turn up as expected at the recent Guns
N' Roses show in London. Axl doesn't perform often these days, so we were
positive she'd be there. Heck, we were counting on it. And, so was Axl!
When Mimi doesn't make an appearance at an event of that import something
is definitely wrong.
For those of you not familiar with Mimi, here's a brief description:
She's about 5 feet 6 inches tall when she's standing up. However, she's
rarely standing. I believe she is the same height in her usual flat-on-her-back
position. Her hair could be any color. She has a thing for wigs, so don't
be surprised if it comes off in your hand.
If she's wearing anything at all, it's probably some sort of animal print
or actual animal skin. Her shoes are most likely heels between 5 and 7
inches. And, she may be wearing dark sunglasses. If you see anyone fitting
this description and she's wearing panties, it's not Mimi. Please keep
looking.
She was last seen at a free show at Brownies back in April. She left
with the guys from Satanicide. According to them, she hopped out of the
back of their van when police stopped it on the way to a show in Hackensack.
She got up, flipped them the finger and was screaming something about
breaking her bottle of Absolut.
After that, she reportedly disappeared into a wooded area off Route 46,
and she hasn't been seen since. So, if anyone out there has seen Mimi
or heard from her, please send us an email at lostmimi@theapesheet.com.
Not only do we miss her witty columns; we miss her grace and charm. Please,
if you know where she is, or if you know someone who might know something,
get in touch!
|
