MOVIES FOR GUYS
WHO LIKE GUYS
 
BY STEVE JUSTICE
 

TBS has long been a haven for programming genius. With groundbreaking segments including the Man Made Movie, Dinner & a Movie and Movies for Guys Who Like Movies, it's hard to imagine a more innovative station. But in the station's ongoing mission to appeal to the entire male audience, programmers realized they were ignoring a significant percentage of the population, the gay man. In an effort to correct this oversight, the Superstation is considering the upcoming series, Movies for Guys Who Like Guys. Through intensive investigative efforts, the ApeSheet has obtained the proposed fall lineup along with executive programming notes.


The Wizard of Oz - August 27,2002

Rainbows, scarecrows, tinmen, midgets, flying monkeys, ruby red slippers: it's like going to a Studio 54 after-party at the Factory with Andy Warhol. Other than Liza, what could be more appealing to the homosexual man? Plus, there seems to be this whole Judy Garland fascination among the gay community. Maybe it's the pigtails. Who wouldn't want to travel down that "yellow brick road" to the magical land of Oz?


Top Gun - September 3, 2002

There's more homoerotic content in this flick than most gay porn. You've got young studs flying phallic fighter planes and towel slapping in the shower. The shirtless volleyball alone is enough to fuel most men's masturbation fantasies. Older authoritarian figures Tom Skerritt and Michael Ironside provide release for boys searching for a daddy. As an added bonus, a young Anthony Edwards may lure fans to the nonstop ER reruns, and the Val Kilmer connection could entice viewers to watch the Doors/Island of Dr. Moreau/Thunderheart triple feature scheduled for Columbus Day.


Interview with the Vampire - September 10, 2002

There's nothing that can top this film's abundance of sweet gay vampire love between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. There's more than blood being sucked with these two. And don't forget those gorgeous costumes. There's something so sexy about a man in a ruffled shirt and top hat. Toss in Antonio Banderas for boys harboring a Latino fetish and, to cover all the bases, add a cute, tiny little vampire girl. New Orleans is just so sinful.


City Slickers - September 17, 2002

Three middle-age men frustrated with their lives leave the wives and kids to get in touch with their manhood by spending a vacation "riding horses" and "driving cattle" at a "dude ranch." The whole time the men are guided on their journey by hunky bull macho Jack Palance. Billy Crystal, Bruno Kirby and Daniel Stern probably don't inspire much lust in anyone, but the saddles and chaps should be enough to excite the gay community.


Steel Magnolias - September 24, 2002

Barely a boy in site, but the gays are sure to adore a movie revolving around beauty parlor gossip. It makes you laugh, and it makes you cry! And, that Shirley MacClaine is so catty and crazy. Plus, that Dolly Parton justs tells it like it is. And, although extensive research has yet to discover why, gay men love Julia Roberts. Consider Pretty Woman for next season's schedule. Keep in mind the possible backlash over that whole gerbil thing.


Broken Hearts Club - October 1, 2002

This could be a little risky since it's actual gay cinema, but these boys play softball. Sure, softball is mainly a lesbian sport, but gay men can play too. Focus heavily on the Dean Cain character in order to attract more viewers to Ripley's Believe it or Not. Even with the addition of Kelly Packard and the feature on strip skiing, the ratings continue to slump. Only the gay man's Superman fantasies can save this show.


Fight Club - October 8, 2002

This movie has something for everyone. Angry young men love it, women love it, and gay men simply can't get enough of a shirtless Brad Pitt. The whole manlove tension between Brad Pitt and Ed Norton is at first astounding. And, the addition of Jared Leto for a possible threesome turns things up a notch. Of course, that wouldn't really work because of the whole plot twist thing, but scantily clad men secretly pounding each other's flesh in underground clubs everywhere is mostly a metaphor for gay dens across the country.



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