TBS has long been a haven for programming
genius. With groundbreaking segments including the Man Made Movie,
Dinner & a Movie and Movies for Guys Who Like Movies, it's hard
to imagine a more innovative station. But in the station's ongoing
mission to appeal to the entire male audience, programmers realized
they were ignoring a significant percentage of the population, the
gay man. In an effort to correct this oversight, the Superstation
is considering the upcoming series, Movies for Guys Who Like Guys.
Through intensive investigative efforts, the ApeSheet has obtained
the proposed fall lineup along with executive programming notes.
The Wizard of Oz - August 27,2002
Rainbows, scarecrows, tinmen, midgets, flying monkeys, ruby red
slippers: it's like going to a Studio 54 after-party at the
Factory with Andy Warhol. Other than Liza, what could be more appealing
to the homosexual man? Plus, there seems to be this whole Judy Garland
fascination among the gay community. Maybe it's the pigtails.
Who wouldn't want to travel down that "yellow brick road"
to the magical land of Oz?
Top Gun - September 3, 2002
There's more homoerotic content in this flick than most gay
porn. You've got young studs flying phallic fighter planes and
towel slapping in the shower. The shirtless volleyball alone is
enough to fuel most men's masturbation fantasies. Older authoritarian
figures Tom Skerritt and Michael Ironside provide release for boys
searching for a daddy. As an added bonus, a young Anthony Edwards
may lure fans to the nonstop ER reruns, and the Val Kilmer
connection could entice viewers to watch the Doors/Island of
Dr. Moreau/Thunderheart triple feature scheduled for Columbus
Interview with the Vampire - September 10, 2002
There's nothing that can top this film's abundance of sweet
gay vampire love between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. There's more
than blood being sucked with these two. And don't forget those
gorgeous costumes. There's something so sexy about a man in
a ruffled shirt and top hat. Toss in Antonio Banderas for boys harboring
a Latino fetish and, to cover all the bases, add a cute, tiny little
vampire girl. New Orleans is just so sinful.
City Slickers - September 17, 2002
Three middle-age men frustrated with their lives leave the wives
and kids to get in touch with their manhood by spending a vacation
"riding horses" and "driving cattle" at a "dude
ranch." The whole time the men are guided on their journey by
hunky bull macho Jack Palance. Billy Crystal, Bruno Kirby and Daniel
Stern probably don't inspire much lust in anyone, but the saddles
and chaps should be enough to excite the gay community.
Steel Magnolias - September 24, 2002
Barely a boy in site, but the gays are sure to adore a movie revolving
around beauty parlor gossip. It makes you laugh, and it makes you
cry! And, that Shirley MacClaine is so catty and crazy. Plus, that
Dolly Parton justs tells it like it is. And, although extensive
research has yet to discover why, gay men love Julia Roberts. Consider
Pretty Woman for next season's schedule. Keep in mind
the possible backlash over that whole gerbil thing.
Broken Hearts Club - October 1, 2002
This could be a little risky since it's actual gay cinema,
but these boys play softball. Sure, softball is mainly a lesbian
sport, but gay men can play too. Focus heavily on the Dean Cain
character in order to attract more viewers to Ripley's Believe
it or Not. Even with the addition of Kelly Packard and the feature
on strip skiing, the ratings continue to slump. Only the gay man's
Superman fantasies can save this show.
Fight Club - October 8, 2002
This movie has something for everyone. Angry young men love it,
women love it, and gay men simply can't get enough of a shirtless
Brad Pitt. The whole manlove tension between Brad Pitt and Ed Norton
is at first astounding. And, the addition of Jared Leto for a possible
threesome turns things up a notch. Of course, that wouldn't
really work because of the whole plot twist thing, but scantily
clad men secretly pounding each other's flesh in underground
clubs everywhere is mostly a metaphor for gay dens across the country.